The De-churched

It sounds awful, doesn’t it? Whatever “de-churched” means is not what you want to be. Like the phrase, “it would have been better for them not to have been born,” it seems better to have never been churched (unchurched) than to be de-churched. Yet, millions of Americans grew up in a church environment and now are not part of it.

The de-churched have deserted the church of their youth. The prefix “de” can mean removal, separation, and reversal. They have left for many reasons. Some have been hurt by things leaders have done and said. Others have had a so called Christian sin against them. Still, others were never hurt by a particular person but experienced an entire sub-culture that was toxic to the soul.

Legalism, moralism, and traditionalism are three unhealthy stigmas tasted in many churches. A separate post for each of these three problems will be available soon. In the meantime, a quick summary of each will suffice. The three often function together as a trifecta, but there are differences.

• Legalism is a culture in which everything is based on rules, rules, and more rules but void of a loving relationship.
• Moralism is a culture based on appearing to be good and avoiding being bad. “Appearing” is the key word because even if you accidently do bad, you must hide it in order to keep up the moral front on the outside.
• Traditionalism is interesting because it sounds like traditions. The issue is not traditions because those are often very good. Traditionalism means the entire church does not adapt to the modern context of the community in order to always do what they have always done.

Regardless of what the local church experience was like, matters are made worse when parents lived this out and pushed this agenda. In fact, for some the local visit to the assembly was okay. They have good memories of the corporate situation, but when they got home, they were put in the religious pressure cooker. As they got older they realized that their parents lived, believed, and instructed in this manner due to the sub-culture of the church. It is oppressive. It is suffocating. It aches to have to describe it, especially when thinking of the children trapped in the toxic fumes. The word, “control” and “controlling” come to mind.

It’s important to note here that not all churches are sick, not all Christians are untrustworthy, and that God is not represented well by many churches and Christians. To the de-churched, though, it’s hard not to lump them entirely in the same category of bitterness. If this is all they have ever known, it is difficult to imagine that another reality exists. It takes time and many good examples to have a rehabilitated perspective.

Not all of the de-churched can fit into one category, though. Some know the churchy language, biblical stories, and basic theology. Even so, they were never introduced to the real Jesus Christ. So they have not crossed over to having a relationship with Him and often buck against religion and God while in actuality they are resentful toward a God that doesn’t even exist. The God they were taught about growing up is distant, cold, angry, carries a big stick, likes to whop people over the head, and is much like the gods of Greek and Roman mythology. Of course, this is not who Jesus Christ is at all.

Many of the de-churched, however, are legitimately a child of Christ but have been traumatized in a manner that keeps them far away from church gatherings and often Christians in general. They are wounded, bruised, and broken by the church. It’s like growing up in a dysfunctional family and not wanting to attend any of the holiday meals or reunions. They are part of the family, but it hurts too much to get close. So they keep their distance.

If only they could be introduced to the real Jesus Christ, a community of Christ followers that are known for being safe and others-centered, and an environment that is not spiritually exhausting. Have you been hurt by the church? We would love to listen to your story. We invite you to get to know us and taste the same mercy we get from God. Let us know how we can help you.