Broken Love

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Chocolates, flowers, dinner, cards, and many a rendezvous. For many, it was a good day. Yet, it was also an uncomfortable day for others, maybe even for most people. That is because we live in a broken world in which people hurt others leading to broken hearts. Some that enjoyed the festivities had mixed feelings based on prior relationships full of pain. Others completely avoided the festivities. Seeing the men search for just the right flowers in the store or online was just upsetting. All the extra candy and red hearts everywhere triggers bad memories.

There is a cheesy song that many in this generation have heard. It’s in movies, skits, video games, and commercials. If you are not familiar with it, you have probably heard it in the grocery store or a restaurant and didn’t even know it. In the chorus, a grown man asks, “What is love, what is love” and then proceeds to proclaim “baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more.” Pretty goofy. Unfortunately, in the real world droves of people ask that question and then have to tell someone to stop hurting them.

So what is love? Below is a definition and description. When reading it, ask yourself if you can argue with it.

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

It doesn’t matter your religious preference, race, identity, social-economic status, or age. Love never intentionally hurts. When someone does cause harm, if they love, they apologize. And most of all, they stop causing the pain. It is because people have redefined love that they can say they love someone while hurting them. What is complicated is that hurting people hurt other people. Many times they want to love but there is so much agony within that it is projected on others especially closest to them. Yet, there is no excuse, and that is not love.

We have to ask ourselves if our definition and description is aligned with the words above. Do we sacrifice to do what is best for others at the expense of self while setting clear boundaries as not to be a doormat. Have your actions betrayed the description above? The lines drawn for love are good for the perpetrator and the victim. Sometimes the victim needs to know its time to end a relationship or set healthy limitations. Sometimes the perpetrator needs to be convicted and realize they have crossed the line and they should not expect everyone to have drawn up new lines for them all the time.

You will notice that the description above implies that retaliation is not love. Vengeance is not love. Lashing out is not love. It never puts self first until self is being wounded by those that have no boundaries. We have all hurt others and have all been hurt. We need a healer and a good example of love in action. As the City of Refuge, we believe that Jesus Christ is both the Healer of our wounds particularly in the depths of our soul and intentionally lived the example of love on this earth. Want to be healed? Want to live out love well? He is the answer.